Suicide Is Painless

Pop Goes The Hamstring! And like that, Terrmel Sledge is out for a good period of time. It’s a grade two hamstring tear. I’m no medical doctor like some people, but I know that’s not good.

Hammies just don’t like to heal, and the slightest wrong movement can set rehab back.

Needless to say, he’ll join our parade of schlubs on the DL.

The question becomes, who replaces him?

If you want an outfielder, the obvious choice is Tyrell Godwin. He’s smacking the crap outta the ball in New Orleans. But, a closer look at his stats, show that most of his value is tied up in his batting average. He’s not really hitting for power. And he’s not really walking all that much. He’s the Ichiro of the PCL -- just without the talent.

The other outfield option is Matt Cepicky who’s had cup of coffee or two. He’s your typically generic replacement corner outfielder type. He won’t wow you with his glove. He won’t wow you with his bat. (Sounds like JJ Davis!) There are machines in the minor leagues that dispense this kind of player. (Although putting $330,000 worth of quarters into it is a bitch)

There’s also this hot hitting younger whom I haven’t heard much about. He could be the next young thing. I.E. Chavez? We’ll have to keep an eye out for him.

Truthfully, I think he burned most of his bridges on the way down with the pretty classless and clueless way he left town. He’s pretty clearly below Godwin, and probably below Cepicky on the depth chart. And he’d have to out-hit both to get another chance. Get that man a gold watch!

The only other possible option (and again, I mean that in the most liberal definition of the word) is Jeffrey Hammonds. He’s hitting about .220 in the minors and his bat speed is so slow, he’s still swinging at pitches from spring training. Get THAT man a gold watch.

But, if I were Mr. J. Bowden, I wouldn’t bring up an outfielder. You’ve already got Ryan Church and JJ Davis, giving you a passable platoon. And, in a huuuuge pinch, you’ve got Tony Blanco to flop around left field aimlessly. In theory, that’s five outfielders. That’s enough.

But, what this team does need is another middle infielder. The whole reason this team has been so wackily constructed is because we had to carry all those optionless outfielders. Well, Terrmel fixed that, didn’t he?

The greatest reason for another middle infielder is that it would Free Jamey Carroll! Carroll, who’s a good on-base guy, would be free to pinch hit for the torrid Cristian Guzman, or the pitcher. Right now, Frank always seems to hold him back, just in case of injury. Having a lukewarm body on the bench would give Frank a few more strategic options. (On second thought, is giving Frank more strategic options necessarily a good thing? “Now hitting for Jose Guillen: Henry Mateo”)

The middle infield options are bleak. But, as the warmed-over corpse of Carlos Baerga demonstrates (despite the occasional death spasms that result in the odd hit) having major league ability is not necessary for major league service.

Brendan Harris is the obvious choice. One problem though. He’s not hitting. As Yuda pointed out in the ever-exciting Game Day Chatter, The fact that harris is up to 244/306/300 means he had a hot week

Add in the fact that the team seems to hate him, and it doesn’t Bodes (get it?) well for him.

Henry Mateo, currently on the DL, began a rehab assignment a few days ago with New Orleans. He’s got a nothing bat, but he does know which glove to wear at a few different positions. And supposedly he’s got speed. He’s definitely the caliber of 25th man.

The only other option is career minor leaguer, Rick Short. Short is your basic utility guy. He’s sort of an older, better-hitting (marginally) Mateo. He also actually happens to be hitting minor league pitching.

Which way will they go? I’m not sure. St. Barry of Svrluga indicated they’re leaning towards an outfielder. I don’t know if that’s just speculation or if he’s heard things, man. I’m banking on a Bacon Turkey Bravo-induced high, and that they’ll bring up one of the infielders.

The catch becomes the roster crunch. We’re currently at 40 men [Hey, Whadya know, we're only at 39!]. And none (I might be wrong on this, and I’m sure you’ll correct me) of the options listed are on the 40-man roster, except for Harris, who’s also the least likely.

It won’t be necessary to dump a player. They can probably pretty easily move Wil Cordero or Joey Eischen to the 60-day DL, which would free up an extra 40-man spot.

If they brought a player like Short up, there probably wouldn’t be any problem having him clear waivers when they outrighted him to the minors to take him off the 40-man. Of course by then another injury will have popped up rending that speculation moot.

But, one thing we can all agree on is that if (as the BPro-approved hacktastic cliché says) the answers are Rick Short and Jeffrey Hammonds, you’re asking the wrong question.