Friday, June 15, 2007

Blame The Skittles

The Good Ladies at We've Got Heart note that the team is 20-12 since the team banned alcohol from the clubhouse. Huzzah for the teetotalers!

But far more importantly to me, since those filthy do-good food nazis banned skittles from the clubhouse, replacing them with lettuce, barley and smoothies, the team is just 8-7.

How can those jerks expect these professional athletes to survive without sugar and beer?

No booze and no skittles make Ray King GO CRAZY!!!! Since the puritans took over, they've destroyed this fine athlete:
6 games, just 2.1 IP and a 15.43 ERA.

Worse, the tyrannical brownshirts who pushed for this pathetic soul-killing policy have stunk just as much:

Brian Schneider our girly-hitting, veggie-loving pus of a catcher has 'slugged' just .298 since foisting his faux diet on the clubhouse. Perhaps if this jerk weren't sticking his nose in Dmitri Young's gut, he could have more time to actually do something with the bat. Much like Aerosmith, I liked Brian Schneider better when he was drunk and coked up.

And the other Pol Pot despotic wannabe, John Patterson? What's he done since then? That's right! NOTHING, other than drain Mr. Lerner's hard-earned money while sitting his scrawny 110-pound ass on the bench when he's not receiving therapeutic "massages" (with or without the happy ending?), knocking up his Beauty Pageant woman or tending to his flowing mane of hair. Bupkus.

We need strong leadership from this team to end the tyranny of the minority. Who will stand up for freedom and all that is right with America, the land of brave and the home of the free?

BRING BACK THE SKITTLES, MR. KASTEN. BRING THEM BACK NOW.

[Ray: The check cleared. Thanks!]

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