Friday, June 15, 2007

Blame The Skittles

The Good Ladies at We've Got Heart note that the team is 20-12 since the team banned alcohol from the clubhouse. Huzzah for the teetotalers!

But far more importantly to me, since those filthy do-good food nazis banned skittles from the clubhouse, replacing them with lettuce, barley and smoothies, the team is just 8-7.

How can those jerks expect these professional athletes to survive without sugar and beer?

No booze and no skittles make Ray King GO CRAZY!!!! Since the puritans took over, they've destroyed this fine athlete:
6 games, just 2.1 IP and a 15.43 ERA.

Worse, the tyrannical brownshirts who pushed for this pathetic soul-killing policy have stunk just as much:

Brian Schneider our girly-hitting, veggie-loving pus of a catcher has 'slugged' just .298 since foisting his faux diet on the clubhouse. Perhaps if this jerk weren't sticking his nose in Dmitri Young's gut, he could have more time to actually do something with the bat. Much like Aerosmith, I liked Brian Schneider better when he was drunk and coked up.

And the other Pol Pot despotic wannabe, John Patterson? What's he done since then? That's right! NOTHING, other than drain Mr. Lerner's hard-earned money while sitting his scrawny 110-pound ass on the bench when he's not receiving therapeutic "massages" (with or without the happy ending?), knocking up his Beauty Pageant woman or tending to his flowing mane of hair. Bupkus.

We need strong leadership from this team to end the tyranny of the minority. Who will stand up for freedom and all that is right with America, the land of brave and the home of the free?

BRING BACK THE SKITTLES, MR. KASTEN. BRING THEM BACK NOW.

[Ray: The check cleared. Thanks!]

10 Comments:

  • Chris is teh funny - more people should write comments :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/15/2007 2:50 PM  

  • Somebody's having a low blood sugar episode, that's for sure.

    And say what you will about J-Patsy, but Elijah Dukes ain't out bedding no beauty contest winners. Take it from the Big Nancy, quality over quantity every time.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/15/2007 2:56 PM  

  • I watched the game at Camden Yards by the bullpen last night and I have to say that Mr. Ray King is looking a bit thinner these days...

    By Blogger Steph2853, at 6/15/2007 3:47 PM  

  • And therein lies the problem! He needs all 350 pounds behind him to that extra oomph behind the ball.

    Besides, being rail thin ain't working out for Patterson too well, is it? ;)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 6/15/2007 3:48 PM  

  • Dmitri looks the same size though. He must be sneaking skittles on the side! Go, big guy, go!!

    BTW, will we *ever* see a CG from one of our SP's this year?? Or is it heresy even to suggest such?

    By Blogger Suz, at 6/15/2007 3:54 PM  

  • Hey, Dmitri's off the booze, drugs AND skittles. He's slimmed down to his regular playing weight!

    Remember last year? We didn't think we'd have a CG all year til Pedro Astacio !?!?!!? threw one.

    It'll happen one of these days. My money's on Chico.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 6/15/2007 3:56 PM  

  • I guessing bergmann!

    By Blogger Unknown, at 6/15/2007 4:09 PM  

  • Ray King ANGRY!! Ray King SMASH!! Ray King DESTROY (A LEAD)!!!!!

    Funny shit, Chris. I'm gonna go out on a limb here-yeah, real bold-and predict that 2007 is John Patterson's last season with the Nats. Let his hangnail next year causing him to be on the 3/4 season DL be someone else's problem. We need guys who can pitch in a hurricane. Uhh, figuratively speaking, of course. ;)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/15/2007 7:32 PM  

  • Given I can't find an "in game" blog, I'll just write here. How is it they can put a man on the moon, but MBL.com can't get gameday blog working?

    Anyway, whatever they are feeding Langerhans needs to be fed to Nook! Why are we persisting with this guy? WHY?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/15/2007 9:41 PM  

  • Not that it really means anything, but it appears that the same "experts" who picked us to finish dead last now think we're better than 1/3 of the majors, including the stank-ass Orioles.

    Tell Angelos to suck on that.

    http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/powerranking?season=2007&week=11

    By Blogger Rob B, at 6/16/2007 10:08 AM  

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