Awwww.... They're So Cute!

JE has been all over the Cordero to Boston rumors. That they're being reported in Boston, and that Bowden has really run a leak-proof organization makes me think there's more smoke on Boston's end of the deal, but who really knows.

I was perusing Sons of Sam Horn, the preeminent Red Sox Message Board, and they have an entire thread devoted to the latest rounds of rumors. Instead of doing something substantive with the rumors (I don't really like dealing with rumors), I'd rather take random stupid posts from that thread and make fun of them. I'm mean like that. Frequently, their posts display the worst form of statheadism -- complete devotion to the numbers without really understanding what they mean -- and other times it shows that it's possible to be too close to something.

I hate how the Red Sox have built a bullpen this offseason-- wasting precious resources on aging mediocrities like Brendan Donnelly, Joel Pinata, J.C. Romero, and of course Mike Letemin-- but am afraid that Cordero is as likely to compound the problem as solve it.

Cordero's an aging mediocrity? Well, I guess he's aging in the sense that we all are.

Any pitcher in the National League should by definition be considered "second tier," and evaluated as if you were promoting someone from Pawtucket.

Josh Beckett sucking isn't the NL's fault! ;)

Cordero has enjoyed a fip-era of 1.78 and 1.27 in the last two seasons. This means he benifited from good defense.

Ah, there's that statheadism we love. Just think what Cordero would've done with a BAD defense!

I have not read about any leaks that suggest Boston has interest in dealing top prospects for a so-so closer.

Isn't that what's been causing this whole run-around in the first place?

Manny Delcarmen is a better pitcher than Cordero is right now.

Ah, but what's Delcamen's FIP? Delcarmen's career MINOR LEAGUE ERA, btw, is nearly 4.

Cordero is more like a slightly better version of Bob Wickman

Now if he had said "Has Wickman's body type" I'd have nodded in agreement.

He had some bad luck on HR/FB rates, sure, but once you normalize those HR/FB rates, you're still left with a guy who profiles as allowing 4.30 runs (earned and otherwise) per 9 innings pitched.

We better hold on to the guy! He's the luckiest SOB on the face of the earth! His career ERA is HALF that.

Hire me, Theo!!1!! I'm smrt!1!! I dew nunbers!!11

OK, I made that one up.