Friday, April 01, 2005

NL Outlook

Back by not-so-popular demand (sheer egomaniacal tendencies, actually), here are my NL predictions.


  • Phillies (91-71)
    From Bowa to Chuck
    should help the team to relax.
    Choking can’t be fun.

  • Marlins (90-72)
    Pickle Brine, dear Josh,
    makes the blisters go away.
    In ‘Gado, they trust.

  • Braves (85-77)
    Like a metronome,
    the Braves just keep on going.
    Finally, it ends.

  • Mets (83-79)
    Fresh from gutting Nats
    Omar spent lots of money
    betting on Pete’s arm

  • Nationals (77-85)
    With Endy now gone
    innings will end less quickly
    no matter Brad’s spot.


  • Cardinals (94-68)
    Albert, Jim and Scott
    beat the snot out of the ball.
    Pitching will hold up.

  • Cubs (83-79)
    The goat curse is crap.
    Incompetent management
    and health are the cause.

  • Reds (78-84)
    They can’t stay healthy.
    Milton’s gopher balls go far
    landing in Kentuck’

  • Astros (77-85)
    Old and creaky bones
    Litter the infield and staff.
    Killer Bees sans sting.

  • Brewers (73-89)
    Now that Selig’s gone
    the team will have to improve.
    Sheets will lead with Ks.

  • Pirates (66-96)
    First Brian, now Jace
    All-Stars are being shipped out;
    Oliver! orphaned.


  • Padres (90-72)
    Hitters hate their park,
    but pitchers will really thrive:
    Peavey for Cy Young.

  • Dodgers (87-75)
    Despite the scribes’ screeds,
    DePo shook things up with moves.
    He’ll laugh, but not last.

  • Giants (82-80)
    Steroids form a cloud
    over graying, older team,
    which needs Barry soon.

  • Rockies (72-90)
    Their young rotation
    is poised to be the best yet.
    But park will hide it.

  • Diamondbacks (70-92)
    Ugh, what can you say?
    Russ Ortiz is not an ace,
    no matter his pay.


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