NL Outlook

Back by not-so-popular demand (sheer egomaniacal tendencies, actually), here are my NL predictions.

East

• Phillies (91-71)
  From Bowa to Chuck
  should help the team to relax.
  Choking can’t be fun.
  
  
• Marlins (90-72)
  Pickle Brine, dear Josh,
  makes the blisters go away.
  In ‘Gado, they trust.
  
  
• Braves (85-77)
  Like a metronome,
  the Braves just keep on going.
  Finally, it ends.
  
  
• Mets (83-79)
  Fresh from gutting Nats
  Omar spent lots of money
  betting on Pete’s arm
  
  
• Nationals (77-85)
  With Endy now gone
  innings will end less quickly
  no matter Brad’s spot.

Central

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• Cardinals (94-68)
  Albert, Jim and Scott
  beat the snot out of the ball.
  Pitching will hold up.
  
  
• Cubs (83-79)
  The goat curse is crap.
  Incompetent management
  and health are the cause.
  
  
• Reds (78-84)
  They can’t stay healthy.
  Milton’s gopher balls go far
  landing in Kentuck’
  
  
• Astros (77-85)
  Old and creaky bones
  Litter the infield and staff.
  Killer Bees sans sting.
  
  
• Brewers (73-89)
  Now that Selig’s gone
  the team will have to improve.
  Sheets will lead with Ks.
  
  
• Pirates (66-96)
  First Brian, now Jace
  All-Stars are being shipped out;
  Oliver! orphaned.

West

• Padres (90-72)
  Hitters hate their park,
  but pitchers will really thrive:
  Peavey for Cy Young.
  
  
• Dodgers (87-75)
  Despite the scribes’ screeds,
  DePo shook things up with moves.
  He’ll laugh, but not last.
  
  
• Giants (82-80)
  Steroids form a cloud
  over graying, older team,
  which needs Barry soon.
  
  
• Rockies (72-90)
  Their young rotation
  is poised to be the best yet.
  But park will hide it.
  
  
• Diamondbacks (70-92)
  Ugh, what can you say?
  Russ Ortiz is not an ace,
  no matter his pay.