Thursday, March 31, 2005

AL Outlook

With apologies to Gregg Easterbrook and the Score Bard, here's my attempt at using the most abused form of internet art to project records. The NL will follow tomorrow.

East

  • Yankees (99-63)
    They spend more money
    than any other team can.
    So why Womack then?

  • Red Sox (97-65)
    Wow, what an offense!
    Top to bottom they mash balls!
    Will pitching hold up?

  • Orioles (85-77)
    Look out, they could be
    the surprise of the league soon,
    if pitchers throw strikes.

  • Blue Jays (73-89)
    They were Sabr stars.
    As losses mount, statheads claim
    JP is a pimp.

  • Devil Rays (68-94)
    Will they ever win?
    Or are they stuck rebuilding
    for yet one more year?

Central

  • Twins (90-72)
    Santana’s change-up
    cuts through the air so slowly.
    Batters swing and fail.

  • Indians (84-78)
    Youth is on their side.
    Sadly, so is Juan Gon’s bat
    and the stinky pen.

  • White Sox (76-86)
    Ozzie’s crazy bunts
    will keep this team from scoring.
    Put THAT on the board.

  • Detroit (73-89)
    They improved a lot.
    And now they made big signings
    that will be for naught.

  • Royals (58-104)
    What a shame, this team.
    Where have you gone, Bob Hamelin?
    Fans just turn their eyes.

West

  • Angels(89-73)
    Wow, the former Nat
    crushes every pitch he sees!
    Should eek out pennant.

  • Athletics (85-77)
    Big three are now one,
    but Beane has reloaded them.
    Youth shall rule, one day.

  • Mariners (84-78)
    Ichiro wraps hits.
    On Adrian and Richie,
    Nintendo spent dough.

  • Rangers (73-89)
    Come watch the Home Runs
    fly out of Ameriquest.
    Alas, by both teams.