Monday, March 15, 2010

Your Guide to the Nats Staff

If you're like me, you know the Nats have a few right-handed pitchers who all sorta do the same kinds of things and who all sorta stuck. JD Martin, Colon Battlestar, Craig Stammen and Garrett Mock... who the hell's who? It's like Iraq and Iran -- they all sorta sound the same and they're way off in the back of my mind, so let's let the people smarter than me try to figure out what the hell the difference is. That's what the Division of Labor is for!

But that's not why you read thishere blog. You read it for... umm... I don't know why, really.

But I'm not going to leave you hanging like that. I'm going to help you figure out one crap pitcher from another. So I've created this handy matrix for you.

First, we'll pull Craig Stammen out. You can remember him: he's the one with dreamy eyes. {swoon}

So that leaves Mock, Battlestar and Martin.

Terrible CommandOK Command
Terrible StuffMockMartin
Blah StuffBattlestarMythical Pitcher Nats Haven't Yet Acquired

You're Welcome!


  • Brutal, but well deserved.

    By Blogger Deez Nats, at 3/15/2010 10:32 PM  

  • Nicely done Chris. Cover your asses everyone, the season's less than three weeks away! Man am i glad i didn't renew my season tix this year.

    By Anonymous Natzzzzzz, at 3/15/2010 10:54 PM  

  • Yes. But where does Shairon Martis fit into your little matrix? hmm? Hmm?

    By Anonymous The Nationals Enquirer, at 3/15/2010 11:14 PM  

  • You need to expand that matrix to 3 dimensions to account for pitch speed. That might look ugly, come to think of it, and not in a good way.

    By Blogger Bote Man, at 3/16/2010 1:14 AM  

  • Does this mean that Mock has blue eyes, or is he green with wrinkled skin? I can never read these things right.

    By Blogger Harper, at 3/16/2010 10:31 AM  

  • Haven't you heard? Mock has really broken out this spring. He hasn't walked anyone. Riggleman says he's really doing great and will likely be our #3.

    By Blogger Section 222, at 3/16/2010 5:49 PM  

  • Your mythical pitcher is here: Nathan Karns 12th round pick. Paid over slot signing bonus. +fastball and slider. Clocked at 97 MPH. May be in Potomac this year. Be there or be square.

    By Anonymous peric, at 3/16/2010 9:01 PM  

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