Thursday, June 28, 2007

Jesus Can't Hit A Curveball

Post columnist Markc Fisher whines about an upcoming "Faith Night" promotion at the ol' ballyard where zealots of all types can come, listen to bible stories, testimonials from mediocre players, and be entertained by giant, fuzzy anthropomorphic vegetables. He dredges up the Ryan Church affair and contrasts that with this to make some point or another, and finds a yahoo or two to howl with outrage -- I didn't read that closely.

Seems to me he's missing the point. Sure, the night's about religion. But it's not about Catholicism, Judaism, Animism or any other ism, other than the one true religion: Capitalism. The Bible Thumping groups gets money from attendees to their show. The Lerners get extra asses in the otherwise empty seats. And everyone goes home happy and richer... except for the devotees -- well, unless they become spiritually richer. (And if seeing a massive green pepper with over sized eyes and white gloves induces spiritual fulfillment, I'm in the wrong business!)

Meanwhile, I think we all need to band together to ensure that there's a different faith night, one promoting Santeria, the religion of Pedro Cerrano from Major League. Jobu wasn't just a punchline, though. There's a number of major league players and managers who practice it, as the LA Times reports in an interesting article. Ozzie Guillen, the White Sox manager, practices it. But don't condemn him. He saves his animal slaughtering for his home country:
People call me a criminal because we do stuff with blood and animals. I don't blame these people. They believe what they believe and I believe what I believe. Have I ever killed an animal in the States to do my religion? No. I did in my country.

When will the Lerners let us slaughter animals at RFK? Perhaps when the price is right.


  • "When will the Lerners let us slaughter animals at RFK?"

    Brilliant! Just think of the brisket savings if we left the orts for future brisket production

    By Blogger Brian, at 6/28/2007 10:06 AM  

  • "When will the Lerners let us slaughter animals at RFK?""

    This wouldn't be an issue if MLB had given the team to Malek.

    By Blogger David, at 6/28/2007 10:38 AM  

  • "When will the Lerners let us slaughter animals at RFK?"

    Can we at least kill off Screech?!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 10:51 AM  

  • Dang it! Nationals Enquirer beat me to it.

    Another possible source of "controversy" is "Night Out" on Monday, July 16 - a Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender pride night.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 10:57 AM  

  • If they were thinking, they'd combine the two events.

    I'd buy a ticket to watch that!

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 6/28/2007 10:58 AM  

  • It's the 3rd "Night Out" the Nationals have hosted. So it's probably no big deal.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 11:00 AM  

  • When I first read the title, I thought this post was going to be about Jesus Flores having trouble with breaking balls!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 12:03 PM  

  • Never underestimate the ability of Marc Fisher to get uppity at damn near anything. He ranted about noise violations coming from, and I kid you not, wind chimes.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 3:46 PM  

  • On July 16th Jesus Flores may indeed have a problem with breaking balls.


    (several cliche'd jokes to follow)

    Will the uniform be rainbow colored instead of Red/White/Blue? Will we sing show tunes for the 7th inning stretch? Will Screetch finally be able to dance? Will they use the pink bats again? Will the Nats just play without jersey tops to show off their pecs? Will someone finally ask me for my phone number at a game???

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 4:02 PM  

  • On the last... Don't flatter yourself! ;)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 6/28/2007 4:03 PM  

  • "When will the Lerners let us slaughter animals at RFK?"

    Didn't anyone watch the game last night? The Lerners seem like the kind of people who don't like to get their hands dirty, so they sent the Braves to slaughter the animals.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/28/2007 7:00 PM  

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