Wednesday, January 31, 2007

StanSpeak: Third In A Continuing Series

Since this blog is secretly underwritten by the NSA in an effort to covertly disseminate anti-jihad propaganda, I can get my hands on some pretty amazing technology. With a few clicks of a mousepad and with a few marks on some punch cards, I'm able to decode what it is that Stan Kasten is thinking as he communicates with the masses.

In reply to a dunderhead saying NATS IN 2007!11!11 or some other such nonsense.
I love your enthusiasm and optimism. You're just the kind of crazy nut who's going to buy tickets. Can I send you a brochure? The truth is none of us can know how far we will go, since predicting the future is technically impossible. I remind people that the last time I had a team predicted by some to finish last was in 1991...and of course that team went to the seventh game of the World Series (Screw you, Lonnie). That's not a prediction since I'm not stupid , but it's just a reminder that a season is full of many surprises, and a few breaks along the way can carry a team farther than you might imagine, such as to 63 wins.

On what the team's weaknesses are:
Of course, we all realize that we have big questions about starting pitching, ("Pitching, pitching, pitching,"they say) and so that's why we have spent as much time as we have trying to assemble as many young (As compared to Livan) arms and prospects as we can. I don't know how soon that element will really come together considering how crappy Jason Simontacchi and Joel Hanrahan are, but we are working hard on that every day with little success. Adding more quality without spending a dime more than we need to.

On seat selection and pricing at the new park:
[W]e'd also expect to announce much higher ticket prices , which haven't been determined yet, but rest assured we think enough of our fans to know that they'll be willing to pay a premium price. As most of you should know by now (because it's our only selling point for 2007), the priority for seat selection will go to our existing customers starting with our oldest ones first, allowing them to gobble up the 1,400 or so affordable seats.

On the future of MASN:
MASN is a very sucky new business and is growing right alongside the Nats, and is probably even more terrible than us. There almost certainly will be HD in the future , but not in 2007, or as long as we would have to pay extra for it. And whether or not the studios wind up being located in one place or another , you can count on a real and growing DC presence on the broadcasts and throught all of the other programming because, like you, I'm sick of looking at that Baltimore radio lady's horse face and listening to her fake like she knows what she's talking about.

On the parking situation at the new stadium:
Garages are there, but since you're just a common rube you'll never get to park in them, and planty of lots surrounding the general stadium area , by the time we move in , in 2008. But Metro is gonna be an even better alternative than it's been all these years at RFK since, to be candid, we don't really have enough parking or street congestion improvments. Half the distance to the new ballpark, which is actually a shame, since I've seen how out of shape most of you are. A little walking would do you good.

And for those of you who are curious , go to the new stadium renderings on our website and you'll notice that you can't really even see the garages (especially if you're seated in the LF bleachers) from the seating bowl, since we had the renderer erase them. Did you see the pretty trees?

On what the highlights of the new stadium are:
In addition to great sighlines (DAMN YOU, FREUD!) and all the best modern scoreboards , we will have so many more places to eat and spend money , much more variety to spend money, a number of other entertainment areas for kids and adults alike, which will probably cost money , bands, (I hope that local acts work for free) games to spend money on, etc. In general , just a whole lot of ways to enjoyably spend three or four hours worth of money ...in addition to what we expect to have as an exciting young team that might be worth the money.

On what the season ticket base for 2007 looks like:
Truthfully , the number is fluid at this point in time, which means that I can't estimate it to the 10s digit, as it is for most teams this time of year...

Advertising and sales for new season tickets are starting right now as we enter our two busiest sales months of the year, even though the exact pair of 'best available' full season seats online has been unpurchased for months, I should have a much better handle on things by , say, mid-March and I'll be letting everyone know then in a manner that presents the franchise in the best possible light.

On an online rumor stating that John Patterson is actually injured:
BEWARE OF ONLINE RUMORS !!!! You can't trust anything you read on the internet, especially from those jerkwad bloggers. I haven't heard that one, but knowing his history, it wouldn't shock me. John is raring to go , and I fully expect him to be our opening day starter, and break down by May.

On a question by someone who doesn't understand the arbitration process about why they're paying John Patterson so little:
I thought we had a strict rule against agents logging on to this site, and we still need a rule banning agents from the game entirely. I don't know what you mean about his worth. Afterall, what is a man really worth? Human life is precious, and we can't fairly put a pricetag on it. That being said, We think he's going to be very important for us and compensated correctly, presuming we win our case. The way I know that is that a neutral arbitrator will decide the correct amount (which is ours, dammit) and that's what he'll get or we'll find another way to extract the $1 million from his ungrateful hide.

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