The Red Revolution

Instead of focusing on individual players as they've done recently, the Post and Times get together to unveil the communist influence sneaking through spring training; it's full of Reds.

They could've brought in old Senators or Expos, but instead thought they could sneak relics of the old party past us freedom-lovers. Just look at the lineup: Jose Rijo; Bob "Red Menace" Boone; Barry Larkin; and Frank Robinson. They may claim to be just former Reds, but we know where their real sympathies are. Even our team's leader, Jim Bowden, was a former Red-head! And, as I once pointed out to Ball-Wonk, the innocuous-sounding team name, Nationals reveals their true goal: nationalization of the entire league!

Let's just hope they haven't brainwashed the true freedom fighter on this team -- the one who so boldly rejected these socialist roots, when he fled the stifling grip of his former country to assert his dominance on the National League, ¡Livan!