Free Skittles For Everyone!

Those cries of pleasure you heard last night? Ray King, Dmitri Young and Nick Johnson cried out in howls of ecstasy: The Food Nazis are gone!

About a year ago, mired in a godawful slump, Brian Schneider and John Patterson led a coup d'etat and banished all non-healthy food from the clubhouse. Gone were the skittles and twinkies, and in came walnuts and a salad bar.

Said Schneider of his KFC Hall Putsch: "You want to give the guys choices and options. If they want to eat healthy, we have given them that choice." by taking away the yummy stuff. I hope Ray King slapped his dick in the lettuce.

At any rate, with Patterson's untimely demise, the gruesome duo is gone. Will the yummy food return? Where's the media on this important issue? Our fat ballplayers demand answers!

I still think it's telling that after the Skittles S.S. shortsheeted the clubhouse spread, the two stormtroopers sucked. Serves them right.

Post-putsch:
Schneider batted .235 and "slugged" .331
Patterson, the pansy-armed priss didn't even feckin' pitch! He rested on his jumbo jet ERA, while traipsing all over the world looking for some magical cure for his pansy-arm!

Screw 'em both! Bring back our skittles!!!