Monday, February 18, 2008

Memo To Jim

To: Jim Bowden, General Manager
From: Chris Needham, Loyal Blogger
RE: Scouting Reports
Date: Today

Glad to see the Bret Boone acquisition went through. It's been months of planning and it's clear that it's going to be worth it. Mass production of uniforms is going to save Mr. Lerner hundreds of dollars a year. You are to be commended for your foresight!

As per your request, I'm providing the list of other potential acquisitions.

* James Boone -- CF in the Pirates organization.
* Doug Boone -- potential back-up catcher of the future.
* Daniel Boone -- Director of Gov't Affairs or potential Director of Security. Lots of upside despite his untimely death 190 years ago.
* Matt Boone -- Former Red!!! Played 3B, may be alternative if Zimmerman contract negotiations break down.
* Richard Bentley Boone -- Amazing entertainer. Comes with own trombone, so supply costs would be lower.
* Tony Boone -- Former RHP. ERA may be high, but he has the heart of a Boone, so he must be good.
* Dan Boone -- Well-rested pitching prospect. Recommend we get a shovel and see if there's anything left in that arm.
* Ed Boon -- would be great running our video operations, or perhaps strength and conditioning?
* Danny Boone -- Once pitched for the Orioles. Pitch him on how all Os games are available on MASN thanks to the benevolence of Peter Angelos.
* Pat Boone -- Bringing in in-house anthem singer could save on ticket costs; wouldn't have to give two seats to ungrateful crooners. Bonus: Has own white shoes; wouldn't need to coordinate with home unis.
* George Boone -- inexperienced RHP. Worlds of potential though. Look at that homer rate! Concerns over his endurance.
* Josh Boone -- Great size. Concerns over his free-throw ability.
* Ike Boone -- brother to Dan Boone. No, the other Dan Boone. Quite the slugger, but I'm not sure he's got the legs to play outfield anymore.
* Lute Boone -- I'd caution bringing him in. If a 2B dead since '82 outhits Bret, it could crush his confidence.
* Daneen Boone -- Impressive resume. See if Aaron's wife could vouch for her.
* Boone Logan -- Half Logan, Half Boone... best of both worlds. Think of the toolsy intangibles!
* Boon Haas -- Currently residing in Sarasota; we should bring him down for a tryout ASAP.
* Herman Boone -- STRONG local connection. Great with all races. Possible replacement for Tollman?
* Boon Schoenstein -- Great candidate for Director of educational outreach.

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