Saturday, February 16, 2008

Push It Real Good

PLoD speaks!

Well, no... he writes a press release!

Well, no... his agent writes a press release for him, but he read it!

Well, no... the team wrote a press release for him, but had his agent read it!

Take a shot of B-12 every time you you see the word 'community' in it:
"In regards to Senator Mitchell's Report, I [would like to pretend to] apologize to my family, all [two of] my fans and to the entire baseball community [DING!] for mistakes in judgment [such as knocking up teenagers, kvetching about teammates, and being a degenerate gambler] I made in the past and for the distractions that resulted. I am fully committed to being the best player and person I can be [even if that's not particular good considering my declining performance, my age, my knee, and the fact that I'm not cycling anymore] , on and off the field [especially with the Lay-Dees!], for the Washington Nationals and the entire baseball community[DING!]. I recognize the [relative un-]importance of my role in the community[DING!] as a professional athlete, and I intend to focus my energies on making a positive impact in that regard [especially with the Lay-Dees!]. So that I can focus on making positive contributions and avoid creating further distractions, I respectfully decline to comment any further on the content of the Mitchell Report [and I will retreat into my underground burrow for six more weeks of winter]."

Interesting that the piece doesn't mention one of the other serious allegations against him, that he was central to a ring of Dodgers minor league players who used 'real' steroids like Winstrol. (page 230 of the report if you're interested.) The HGH stuff is important in that he pushed others on the team to use it, made purchases on behalf of others, and generally did anything he could do to promote its use within the Dodgers clubhouse. But it's also essentially ineffective for baseball, so...

  • The tastefully designed NTP's version is better, so go read that instead.

  • Better yet -- go read OMG's take. Less Laughs, More Bile!


    • very nice. big pud is a terrible waste of sperm and egg. good luck with that loser.

      By Blogger Ken Dynamo, at 2/16/2008 12:03 PM  

    • I really wish there could be cameras in the Nats' Clubhouse this year. It would be the best reality show in history.

      By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/16/2008 2:06 PM  

    • I have to say that the fact that the Nats couldn't wait three friggin' days until the release of the Michell report before signing this putz bothers me a lot more than the Dukes trade.

      Dukes is young and might yet redeem himself. This guy is a first class a-hole.

      By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/16/2008 10:16 PM  

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