Friday, December 21, 2007

All They Want For Christmas

Thanks to a mistaken BCC on an email from Mr. Kasten, I received a copy of the Nats' Secret Santa list, what our favorite Nats were asking for. Rather than hoard the info for my own devious purposes, I figured I'd share with you, my dear reader. If you're feeling charitable, I'm sure that any of these millionaires would appreciate you chipping in to brighten up their holiday.

Ryan Zimmerman: A first baseman who can field and Tiger Woods Golf for his Wii since his wrist won't let him play.

Austin Kearns: An HD Radio to listen to more Bluegrass Music and a Skyline Chili gift card.

Elijah Dukes: A new sidekick with an unlimited text and photo plan.

Lastings Milledge: A nifty new sweater vest

Ray King: A 72-ounce steak.

Paul Lo Duca: A gift subscription to the Racing Form, some Nationals Park stationary, and a new cellphone since his old one is TOAST.

Chad Cordero: A new baseball cap, and a trade for Khalil Greene.

Nook Logan: A shiny new bus for whichever minor league team he lands on.

Robert Fick: A shiny new bus for whichever minor league team he lands on, and a punching bag for his frustrations.

Ryan Church: Earplugs for the inevitable booing he's sure to receive for not being Lastings Milledge.

Matt Chico: Really high walls at Nationals Park.

Wily Mo Pena: Really short walls at Nationals Park.

Mike Bacsik: No walls at Nationals Park.

Joel Hanrahan: A copy of his favorite book.

Justin Maxwell: A new metering machine.

Tim Redding: A new trimmer.

John Patterson: A Jack LaLanne Power Juicer to help make healthier beverage alternatives in the clubhouse.

Dmitri Young: John Patterson's head on a stick.

Manny Acta: A new elbow for Shawn Hill.

Stan Kasten: Brisket that's reasonably priced.

Jim Bowden: A microphone and a mirror so he can practice at home since Stan won't let him do it in public.

Ted Lerner: Nothing listed. "Exchanging presents is a waste of money"

posted by Chris Needham at 12:51 PM

19 Comments:

  • Actually, Chad Cordero could use a new glove from Santa more than a new hat. Perhaps, you forgot he puked in his old glove.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 1:07 PM  

  • what about Jesus Flores? maybe he could hope that Lo Duca never comes out from hiding and doesn't show up to spring training.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 1:13 PM  

  • How about the Nationals training staff?

    A two for the price of one gift certificate at the clinic of Dr. James Andrews.

    By Blogger Michael Taylor, at 12/21/2007 1:24 PM  

  • Damn - phil dunn took mine!

    Uhhhm...maybe Da Meathook needs a new skinny sidekick now that Fick is gone?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 2:32 PM  

  • Hey whaddabout me? I want a free agent pitcher. Jason Jennings would be a start.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 2:58 PM  

  • Flop : a new bat that doesn't have a baseball sized hole in the sweet spot.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 5:15 PM  

  • The Nationals Front Office: Less bloggers.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/21/2007 8:28 PM  

  • How about a post-Christmas gift of a new post? Is that too much to ask?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/28/2007 9:57 AM  

  • Chris???? Where are you??????

    We lost out on Prior! Nothing to say???

    Chris Shays wants to let LoDuca off the hook?

    Something????

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/28/2007 12:16 PM  

  • I have to say that it's a little annoying to visit this site without being informed that there's going to be two weeks of no new posts. For a blog as widely read and frequently updated as this one, it would be a small courtesy if you would do that.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 4:43 PM  

  • I have to say that it's a little annoying to visit this site without being informed that there's going to be a whiny post about the lack of posts over the holidays. For blog comments as widely read and generally thoughtful as these are, it would be a small courtesy if whiners like you would stifle.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 5:11 PM  

  • Fuck you. It's a popular blog-and one of the very, very few Nats blogs out there that are readable. So sue me for making a simple request that loyal readers be informed that it won't be updated for two weeks. I really don't think it's too much to ask.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 5:29 PM  

  • Honestly anonymous, I think it is too much to ask. This isn't a job for Chris' primary job o source of income. I believe his writing here is a hobby that he is generous enough to share with the rest of the internets. Its a shame that you're disappointed he hasn't posted recently, but it is by no means HIS job to tell you when he is/isn't going to take the time to write a new post for HIS blog. Plus, stop hiding behind the anonymous moniker if you're going to complain or try and swear someone out in an online forum.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 6:39 PM  

  • OK, i'm bored so i'll bite...

    Although i definitely don't agree with the way Anon phrased it, i can *kind of* see where he/she is coming from. Whether Chris makes money from this or not (and he really should be), Capitol Punishment does have a decent following. According to Sitemeter this site gets over 600 hits a day. So that's around 84,000 page hits over the past two weeks that he's been away. I agree that he's totally within his right to take a vacation, not post updates and just disappear from the blog for awhile, but it would be nice if he let his gentle readers, who feel lost without our daily dose of Nationals snark, know when he'll be back.

    But saying "F You"? Thaaat's a little overboard.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 9:08 PM  

  • Fine.

    I won't be updating over the last two weeks.

    Happy? ;)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 1/02/2008 9:10 PM  

  • Actually now that i think about it, i can't even believe we're talking about this. Oh well, i wonder what Nats320 is up to. ;)

    Hope you're having a good vacation Chris! Happy New Year!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 9:14 PM  

  • See now, for me, this post had a very distinct ring of "I slapped this together and I'm sticking up for the duration" feel to it.

    No one else got that?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/02/2008 9:23 PM  

  • I didn't get it ... but then I also think an F-bomb qualifies as wit.

    So, to coin a phrase, sue me.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/03/2008 8:14 AM  

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