Thursday, April 28, 2005

The Dumbest Chat Ever

Screech on Screech!

I don't even know what to say.


  • Damn, is Screech talking some shit?

    "Alexandria, VA: Do you keep in touch with any of the other cast members from Saved By the Bell?

    Dustin Diamond: I don't visit the unemployment office that much.
    I live in wisconsin now so I don't get a chance to see them that often, unless my comedy tour takes me to cali. Still there is no guarantee that I will be able to get onto the set of Pet Star."

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 1:47 PM  

  • I don't see Slater being asked by the prestigious Washington Post Corp to be doing any chats!

    And is Mr. Belding still living under a rock?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 1:49 PM  

  • I did appreciate the shut-out to the Wu-Tang Clan, even though Screech seems to think it's just one guy.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 1:52 PM  

  • Dustin Diamond: I dated a lot of the background cast (the people you see walking through the scenes). There were 30 new girls every week. Put me in coach.

    That's almost Dayn-esque in its delusional eroticism.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 1:56 PM  

  • He still hasn't mentioned his math-rock band. I wonder if they split up.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 1:58 PM  

  • Dustin Diamond: Probably not but I would sign up to take on Bea Arthur.

    Now THAT's Much more realistic as to the type of 'woman' he'd be settling for.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 1:59 PM  

  • I love how he responded to the idiot Screech reenactor by trying to affirm his highbrow comedy tastes - "Oh, I just adore British comedy!" Blackadder is one of the greatest things ever, though.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:02 PM  

  • Best. Question. Ever!

    Bethesda, Md.: If Mascot Screech started doing "the Sprain" during the half-time show, would you sue for trademark infringement? Cause you so totally own that dance.

    I do wonder how many questions containing the phrase "YOU SUCK" he's had to wade through.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:04 PM  

  • I have been sending harassing messages ... let's see if any make it

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:07 PM  

  • "This world needs a diplomat for the modern age. "SCREECH BRINGS WORLD PEACE"
    would totally rock. but until then I'll have to be happy with my Olive Garden talks. "SCREECH BRINGS WHIRRLED PEAS'"

    I actually feel sorry for this jockjaw. The whirled peas gag wasn't funny the first time I saw on a bumper sticker.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:09 PM  

  • He seems very aware that he (despite having more success at his job than us!) is a schmuck. But, at the same time, there's an edge of bitterness and anger at the borders.

    I bet his pysch bills are through the roof!

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:10 PM  

  • I'm a better blogger than Screech is an actor. But I'll bet his stand-up is killer . . .

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:12 PM  

  • Someone's a little full of himself! See how many hits Dustin Diamond gets versus Distinguished Senators on google. No contest baby!

    Count the Emmmieeeeezzzz!

    On second thought, don't!

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:14 PM  

  • Count the Eric Greggzzzzzz!

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:16 PM  

  • Touche, dear boy. Touche.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:17 PM  

  • Killer standup?
    "Most people in my line of work start out in stand-up comedy and hope to get a TV show. I'm doing it backwards. I had a TV show and now I'm doing stand-up. Come see me next year. I'll be doing security with Gary Coleman."

    Side-splitting at its best

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:22 PM  

  • I didn't even realize that was a joke. That's how bad it was.

    You do realize that this is even more pathetic than our intra-Barry-chat chats?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:23 PM  

  • sad but true

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:24 PM  


    Bethesda, MD: Screech, I have always been a huge fan, in fact you were the only reason I used to watch saved by the bell. I was excited to hear our new mascot was Screech, how do you feel about it? Do you miss hanging out with A.C. Slater and the gang?

    Dustin Diamond: Thanks. The Washington Slaters would be cool but the whole team would have to cheat on their wives.

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:24 PM  

  • He seems really bitter and angry about Slater!

    I wonder how many wedgies he got from him.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:25 PM  

  • do you know who Mario Lopez' wife was?

    Ali friggin Landry

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:26 PM  

  • The name rang a bell (get it?) but I had to google it.

    Damn... why couldn't I have been a third-rate actor?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:28 PM  

  • Do you think he fires his agent after this?

    Agent? Who Am I kidding?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:29 PM  

  • I asked him if he is touring with Marc "Skippy Handelman" Price.

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:30 PM  

  • "Hey buddy. This is Mark Paul Gosselar. Don't be fooled by my seeming inability to spell my own name."

    That's far FAR funnier than anything Screech has said. Ever.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:30 PM  

  • You guys are brutal ;)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:31 PM  

  • I inquired about his burgeoning gay porn career

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:31 PM  

  • Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    But... that goatee is... well.. you know.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:32 PM  


    Screech has gone hardcore

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:35 PM  

  • Given your last post, I'm not clicking on anything labled Screech and hardcore.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:37 PM  

  • perfectly safe ... just don't click on this one

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:38 PM  

  • I think the line has been crossed! :)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:39 PM  

  • How many times are the going to post questions asking if what he thinks of the nickname?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:41 PM  

  • Did you ask him about Peter Angelos and MASN yet?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:42 PM  

  • yup also asked him if he got to second base with Tori Spelling

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:43 PM  

  • I'm waiting for someone to ask him about Brian Roberts so I can start bitching about too much Orioles coverage.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 2:43 PM  

  • Maybe Brian wasn't so far off..

    Dustin Diamond: We would win of course. I would bite and Screech would use his peck... nevermind.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:45 PM  

  • I know my arms aren't long enough to box with God.

    Doesn't this sound like the title of an essay you'd find in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:46 PM  

  • I asked if there was a little woman (or man) in his life.

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:47 PM  

  • How long is this chat going to be?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:48 PM  

  • I'm sure his calendar is about as full as ours are.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:49 PM  

  • I am literally watching paint dry ... home painting today

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:50 PM  

  • I'm half watching the Asbstos legislation debate. Might as well be watching paint dry.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:51 PM  

  • asbestos? hmm any signs of Havana Pete?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:55 PM  

  • Nope, but I did actually run into him in the Hart building and had to share an elevator with him and Arlen Specter.

    Presumably that's what they were talking about, because I don't think they have much else in common!

    (And that was the scariest 2.5 minutes of my life!)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 2:56 PM  

  • lucky you ... all you needed was Santorum and a member of GLAD to make it a top 10 most uncomfortable elevator ride

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 2:58 PM  

  • "Dustin Diamond: Most certainly. I am a huge video game collector and I write games as well. Please send another question with contact info. I will contact you over the internet. I could then download it and maybe even pass it on to developers I know stateside. We'll talk. Sounds fun."

    Surprise, surprise.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:09 PM  

  • he has less of a life than we do

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:10 PM  

  • should we be surprised he speaks German as well?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:12 PM  

  • Is he getting paid by the hour or something?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:14 PM  

  • That alleged German guy was bullshit. That's not how foreigners screw up English. Saved by the Ringaling my ass.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:14 PM  

  • I'm tempted to write him in Pig Latin

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:15 PM  

  • You've gotta love his optimisim though:

    Jersey City, NJ: Toby McGuire did an excellent job on SNL as Screech on "Inside the Actors Studio". Have you ever been approached to be on either show?

    Dustin Diamond: Not Yet.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:16 PM  

  • Is he getting paid by the hour or something?

    Chris, Olive Garden doesn't need any bus boys until 4:30PM earliest so he's still got a good 45 minutes

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:17 PM  

  • Screech could be the host and the musical guest! And the German-speaking software designer! What a man.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:17 PM  

  • Screech could be the new Dieter! And no. No one would pet his monkey.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:18 PM  

  • Screech stealing jokes from dead guys ... how fitting

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:22 PM  

  • yet another shot at Mario Lopez

    Dustin Diamond: Acting is just that, acting. Pretending. The catch is, a lot of these Hollywood star types are doing they're best acting off stage. I pretend to be dorky on screen for a job. They pretend to be strong and confident to get through the day

    wow! Mario must have really fucked with his mind back in the day

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:28 PM  

  • At least this one's moderately amusing:
    Rockville, Md.: I find the need to watch Save by the Bell every morning before going to work in the morning. I won't let my wife change the channel until I see Kelly. What should I do about this??

    Dustin Diamond: Get Broadband.

    I was going to ask a variant of that... wondering what it's like to see a coworker naked. :P

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:28 PM  

  • Well, he didn't use the 'scare quotes' around 'lady' when describing his relationship.... take that for what it's worth. :)

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:30 PM  

  • Dustin Diamond: My lady and I work very closely. The key to a good relationship when you're in this business is having someone who can be with you on the road.

    What he meant to say was "It helps when you can deflate her and put her in your luggage too"

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:30 PM  

  • Lame, but I'm still laughing hysterically.

    My boss looks like he wants to come over to see what's funny.

    Phew... he went back to his office to nap.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:31 PM  

  • Philadelphia, PA: Now we all know the moon is not made of green cheese. But would you eat it if it were made of barbeque spare ribs?

    Even the WaPo producers are bored now

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:31 PM  

  • Whadya want after 2.5 hours?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:32 PM  

  • Add wrestling fan to that stellar resume

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:33 PM  

  • I just sent a question from Mario Lopez asking him "Why all the hostility?"

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:34 PM  

  • Now you're just gonna piss of Ryan.

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:34 PM  

  • Does Ryan have Hulk Hogan pajamas?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:35 PM  

  • Mick Foley rules, bitches. And I'd bet the RZA's the best chess player in the Clan.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:36 PM  

  • That was your Wu Tang question, right?

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:36 PM  

  • Foley is Good?

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:37 PM  

  • oh damn it's over

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:37 PM  

  • Yes, I have read both of Foley's memoirs. The first one's a lot better than the second - seriously, I think even a non-fan could appreciate Have A Nice Day.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:38 PM  

  • It's over? Just like that?

    What do we do with our lives now?

    I feel soooo soooo rudderless!

    O' Cap'n My Cap'n!

    By Blogger Chris Needham, at 4/28/2005 3:39 PM  

  • I'll admit ... I atched up until about 4 or 5 years ago and then got bored

    By Blogger Brian, at 4/28/2005 3:39 PM  

  • It's awful now. My interest comes and goes, and it's at a very low point at the moment. There's no competition.

    By Blogger Ryan, at 4/28/2005 3:41 PM  

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